What a typical....

Morning and hello.
I just woke up from my hibernation mood.
By the way, it is not what I expected to be, I just become so lazy to do things, maybe because of the mood is not very hmmm okay.

It has been two weeks I was in JHB. Yes, staying with my husband.
This tragedy happened on my birthday date. My mom and my sister are sympathy and empathy for me because I'm still not pregnant. 

Actually, I'm just okay because I think that my husband and I were not ready yet to have a baby.
The PJJ makes us too tired. JHB and TGG is not as twenty kilometers away, it is about 9 hours journey. The PJJ cost us a bit as we're still in the building up a marriage. I thought we are still young and there are so many thing that I need to do before having some children.

Come on, I'm just 26 years old and I'm still young. There is a lot of my friends not married yet and mostly of them is working on accounting field. I'm in this accounting field too plus I'm also an employer. Yes, I knew that some of our friends that taking accounting course were married and now, keep having children more and more. BUT they are not working. They become an honor housewife, staying at home, and happily ever after.

So, it is differ from us who have our own life goals. We have to work. Most of us are the eldest daughter, who think "it is the time to us devoted to our parents first, as they really need us to raising up the others siblings" . Not every woman in the world wannabe a housewife, not all. We just wannabe a super lady. So do I.

Back to second paragraph,
I was very sad at that times, I don't feel it is a joke anymore, I'm hurt a lot because my lovely family did not understand me. I was told by someone that I'm so sensitive about this matter, and please control all the relatives to avoid asking me the question about the pregnancy. Why?

The after all effects will make me feeling loser, not a good wife, as we both are too far away and the result will be depression. Depression is the worst illness in my life. I was meltdown for half an hour in the car. I have to park the car first, and start crying so loud and screaming, and my mind is not okay at the times. There are a lot of words coming make my brain suck. However, the zikir help me a lot to calm myself.

I'm a negative person who always trying to be positive. Any psychologist can help me?

I had decided to stay in JHB for a month, but my husband is sharing the rent house with other man starting this August. So it is just two weeks here to recover myself, to get back my spirit, to get back my losing energy, to calm down, to build up the new me, to build up the ignorance power.
As anyone knows me, I was a cool, happy, active, strong, and clever girl, but it is only outside, not inside. I was an easy broken girl. Ahha, believe or not, just believe it.

Just hurt, 


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